Well, the month of May is coming to a close, and I have been thinking this past couple of days, what should I write about on my May 2018 blog? Well, so many subjects come to mind, but something always steers be back to music.
As most of you reading this know, that I have a passion for writing, weather it be poetry, journaling, letters or my song writing. I seem to be the happiest writing. Heck I even get excited to walk into an office supply store just because I know it leads me to more writing pens, and more paper! I know this sounds a little bit crazy but writing thoughts down on paper can really open one’s eyes up to there emotions and feelings, and what they are feeling at that exact time.
There have been times I have grabbed my pen and paper jumped into the car and drive to a near by place here in this little town called Hogan Dam. I will sit along the water’s edge and absorb all that I am feeling at the moment. From the sounds I hear off in the distance to the water brushing against the shoreline, to the fisherman across the way. It’s then I grab my pen and paper and start writing. I will write everything from the birds chirping with excitement of the warm sunshine that brushes against their feathers, to the wind that softly blows beneath their wings as they fly by. To the crazy fly who is buzzing around trying to annoy my time alone, just me, my pen, paper, thoughts and emotions trying to be set free, at that moment.
I know some would say, why write about something so trivial. While others may see the beauty in getting lost in the moment, actually taking the time to truly absorb each and everything that is going on around me. From the soft breeze brushing against my cheeks, to the boat motor roaring by to disrupt my silence. I take note of everything and log every feeling at the moment. The feeling of peace in the silence, to the annoying motor sounds from the boat to disrupt this peaceful setting, only to realize, that the person in the boat is enjoying what they feel, they have a passion for. The loud motor sounds to the fast pace of the boat gliding on the water. You see, we all belong, we all see life differently.
As the warmth of the sunshine is absorbed into my skin, I feel alive, I feel as each breath I take is God’s gift to me, I am able to see the beauty of the day. I am grateful to be able to hear the birds chirping, the boats loud roars, and the water brushing against the shore, I am thankful to see and hear all that is going on around me. So many times, we have all taken for granted life in general. We don’t look around and see just the beauty in nature alone. The rock formations, weather the water is still, or slight waves are rushing in from a passing boat. The leaves that have surfaced since the last visit only 2 weeks before. If we don’t slow down and enjoy each and everything we see, we truly do miss out on life.
The older we get the more we are aware of our surroundings. The more we are looking to find peace within. So many of us get so wrapped up in our everyday life that we truly forget to live. We are all guilty of this. But we all must realize, if there is something or someone we truly care about, we find a way to do it or somehow contact that person to show that we care. Because anything that we care about we will make the time for. It’s just human nature.
At times I sit and song lyrics come to mind, but more times than not, a song surfaces from my life. What is going on at the time, or if I sit and let my emotions from my past come flooding back to me. There have been times writing about a past hurt, can truly be healing for the soul. To bring something that we felt was too hard to handle at the time, sometimes we have to revisit it in order to get past it. We think we have let it go, but in reality, we never did. So, we carry around the hurt and don’t even realize it. Until one day, we can finally release it.
When my mother died 24 years ago, by over dosing herself on her prescription medication, it was so hard to understand, I at the time was so young, raising a daughter and a son of my own, and dealing with my mother who fought mental illness for the past 15 years. I never wanted to talk about it for the longest time, as I didn’t want anyone to know, because I felt so alone. I felt that so many people during that time didn’t truly understand mental illness and how it affects not only the person going through all the pain, but also the family who had to sit back and watch what was going on. Trying to choose the right things to say and help with someone who felt so broken inside. Especially my mother. After all I wanted my mother to be there for me, to help me along with life’s troubles, but the tables were turned, I was trying to help her from the time I was 19 years old till she died when I was 36 years old. This is where my song “God Needed an Angel” came from.
If we live long enough we all experience loss. We all handle the emotions of loss differently, and there is no wrong way or right way to grieve but grieve we must. We carry on with life in the best way we know how, in hopes of seeing each other again. So, we hold on to Faith, that we Hope someday, that my 3 favorite words come to surface. We all need to have Faith, Hope and Love in order to survive this thing we call life, it will carry us through, as long as we all Believe and hold these 3 things in our hearts.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog today, sending much love to you all until next time….